The conference room was too small--all of us sitting just slightly too close together. My introverted self rebelled at not having enough personal space. I gripped my coffee cup, thankful for its comforting warmth. I attended a development day with my colleagues to determine how we would handle changes coming our way with the expansion of our program. I looked down at the day's agenda outlined on the handout devised by the program manager. Small print. Thin margins. My anxiety increased. How would we ever get through all the details? How would I ever be able to cope with the work set before me? These changes appeared to imply longer work hours. Increased stress. I was a tight rope walker looking down at a yawning canyon with no net in sight.
The day ended, and I breathed a sigh relief, grateful to be released from the small enclosure, and left wondering how I would ever be able to accomplish the tasks expected of me. I wanted to give up. I wanted to quit. I wanted to explore how I might retire earlier than planned. The work load seemed too much. It was too much. Impossible.
This medley of impossibilities left me pondering and asking questions. "How would I view these challenges in a way that counteracted dread in my life?" "What would my coping style look like?"
I believe living days in a state of "dread" is a depressing way to approach life. I would wrap my days in gratefulness, thanking God for opportunites to learn in the difficulties, expecting His provision, His supply, His joy, HIs wisdom, His grace. I would explore the possibility of encountering His rest amidst the chaos and uncertainty--a counterintuitive thought process--the expectation of the net at the bottom of the canyon. I would fall. I would make mistakes. But the net would be there to break the falls. Increase my confidence. Keep me up on the wire, so to speak.
One day at a time. Working hard. Leaving the worksite on time. "Easy does it."
Walks in nature. Movement.
Times with loved ones.
Pursue my book project.
Go on vacation with my husband (This one is challenging--few people at the worksite take time off. I have to fight hard against guilt, even though I have hundreds of hours of time off on the books.)
Listening to podcasts that inspire me. Make me laugh.
Going to the library and losing myself amidst the shelves. Finding books. Reading.
I sensed God say to me that He often uses impossible situations to allow me to experience His movement in my life. I sensed He is encouraging me to utilize and receive more of His abundant supply--to increase my intimacy with Him--so that I master the tight rope. He desires me to be skillful in the impossibilities He has called me to. "God, my toe is poised, my arms outstretched. My gaze is forward. I am not looking down. I am up high. Unafraid. Thankful for your net."
And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work that we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!~Psalm 90:17 (The Message)