Saturday, 12 September 2020 17:23

Couldn't Love You Any Better

Written by  Priscilla K. Garatti
Couldn't Love You Any Better Photo by Jonathan Hawkes from FreeImages

I said I love you and that's forever

And this I promise from the heart

I could not love you any better

I love you just the way you are~Billy Joel(From Just The Way You Are)

One has to admire the bravery of a 21-year-old. I'd just graduated college and drove my brown 1977 Chevrolet Camaro from Texas to California. I went to work as a writer for a magazine, my office nestled in the hills of the San Bernardino mountains, near Los Angeles. I was doing okay on the job, interviewing a variety of people and writing feature stories. My editor assigned me to what he called the "difficult people." He said, "They seem to tell you things." 

But at 21, I was doing much better on the job than in my personal life. I had just been rejected by a man who had proposed to me, and then backed out of the relationship saying I was "too needy." I probably was. And I was sad. Brokenhearted. I kept berating myself for not being able to move on, for not being able to stop thinking about him. Writing the feature stories helped me to detach from the grief during the week, but weekends were lonely. Too much time on my hands. So I drove.

The mountains surrounded me, and often on Saturday mornings I'd get up early, pack a few sandwiches and head out just as the sun rose. My little car hugged the road as I wound myself up the mountainside. I'd turn my radio up and sing. Billy Joel's Just The Way You Are was a hit during that time, and I'd think, "Oh God, I want someone to love me like that...I don't want clever conversation. I never want to work that hard. I just want someone that I can talk to. I love you just the way you are.

I'd stop for a cup of coffee and then find a lookout point and view the mountains spread out before me. Breathe in the fresh air. Pray. Even at 21, I think I realized that no human love could ever quite satisfy the longings I had. 

Those drives to the mountains helped, and eventually I healed and moved on.

I have a husband now who loves me just the way I am. God gave me what I longed for in Giovanni...Don't go trying some new fashion. Don't change the color of your hair. You always have my unspoken passion, although I might not seem to care...This week Giovanni called me into the living room. "Look," he said, "You're hair is just like Jane Fonda's." Ms. Fonda was giving an interview about her new book. She wore a short style, her hair the color of silver. "Natural hair color. That's what looks good," he said.

This morning I read in I Peter 2:9--But you are God's one time you knew nothing of God's mercy, because you hadn't received it yet, but now you are drenched with it

No matter what, even if we are desperately lonely or heartbroken, we can lean into our identity as God's treasure. His beloved. He never changes, never leaves, never abandons, even when others do.

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What Readers Are Saying

In Missing God Priscilla takes a brave and unflinching look at grief and the myriad ways in which it isolates one person from another. The characters are full-bodied and the writing is mesmerizing. Best of all, there is ample room for hope to break through. This is a must read.

Beth Webb-Hart (author of Grace At Lowtide)

winner"On A Clear Blue Day" won an "Enduring Light" Bronze medal in the 2017 Illumination Book Awards.

winnerAn excerpt from Missing God won as an Honorable Mention Finalist in Glimmertrain’s short story “Family Matters” contest in April 2010.