I can take all the madness the world has to give but I won't last a day without you.~Paul H. Williams/Roger S. Nichols (From the song I Won't Last A Day Without You)

My mind was a mess. I was trying to reach a state of mental poise by writing in my journal. Praying a bit. But it seemed I was holding a rucksack of dysregulated emotions. I felt as if I wasn't doing life right, couldn't keep up with all the things on my list; couldn't keep up with all the birthdays. So many people. And I hate to write fake birthday greetings. I always want to think of something meaningful to say. I can't just leave some already-written phrase from Linked In. I want to read more books, but then I scroll on Instagram too much. I want to be nicer to my neighbor who can hardly walk her dog. But then I avoid her. She doesn't remember much anyway. She probably won't remember that I haven't spoken to her in a few days. Ugh--a slush of insecurity, self-doubt and that gritty taste of shame in my heart. I couldn't write in my journal--slammed it shut. Better I go grocery shopping. 

I got in the car and made my way to Walmart. As a waited in traffic, a faded yellow pick-up idled in front of me. I squinted to read the sticker on the driver's back windshield. Luke 24:6. I didn't know the Bible verse. When I got home, I remembered the Scripture reference and looked it up. "He is not here. He is risen." All the groceries were put away, there was nowhere I needed to be. I sat down in my favorite chair and opened Pandora on my phone. Karen Carpenter sang, "I Won't Last A Day Without You." Tears rolled down my cheeks. In all my dysregulation, I had not considered to stop and be honest with Jesus, the alive One. I began to talk to Him and tell Him how I felt, that I knew He is the One I can't live without. Can't last a day without.

As I sat quietly in the peacefulness of my home, my mind decluttered and poised, I got an image of a dandelion. I Googled its symbolism. Says Google, "In medieval times, the dandelion, a bitter herb, was a symbol for the crucifixion of Christ. The dandelion is also a symbol of hope, healing and resilience."

I think in my dysregulated state, I was lonely for God, had let the madness of the world creep into my mind. In His faithfulness to me, perhaps lonely for me too, He gave me a Scripture from the back windshield of that old truck. He sent me a song and an image. He reminded me that He assuages my loneliness and shame, my self-doubt, my insecurities and misdirected drivenness. In Jesus, I am like the dandelion that erupts from random cracks in the sidewalk. Hopeful. Healed. Resilient. Forgiven.